The goal with hookups or casual dates is for those involved to enjoy a good time for possibly just one night with no expectations for anything further. Some people keep the acquaintance and hook up periodically in a “friend with benefits” capacity with no strings attached.
The dating style is catching on with more people preferring shorter-term relationships or those that are not serious, and dating sites like AdultFriendFinder tend to cater that audience. The demographic is interested in having fun and meeting interesting people, but they want the freedom to move on with no drama once it runs its course.
Arranging these hookups online reminiscent of a sort of “blind date” using hookup sites or casual dating apps assures everyone is on the same page with no fear of anyone in search of monogamy or a long-term commitment.
A few apps offer unique premises like optimum discretion so their members can have affairs or cheat on significant others, and some promote promiscuity and single-night fun. If you find yourself signed onto one of these apps by mistake, you’ll soon learn your error by the way the website sets up, and if not, messages will undoubtedly clue you in soon enough.
Pros And Cons Of Using Hookup Sites For Dating
Many casual dating sites or hookup apps have sexual undertones, with some offering “friends with benefits,” hookups, fetish apps, one-nightstands, affair/cheating premise, and so much more. The idea for those who join one of these platforms is to find a whirlwind love that comes and goes, a brief romance, or just a good time, and some merely want sex.
For the busy person in the modern world, these short-term interactions offer convenience when you want to enjoy your lifestyle as it is, plus have nights out on the town for entertainment. Perhaps some who join the websites are just beginning to develop a career and start their life, needing romance merely to be sprinkled in periodically.
Others may end one old life and start over fresh, but don’t want the same life they had. This person might have hobbies and interests with a need just to have companionship sometimes. In either case, a committed long-term emotional attachment doesn’t fit into their current lifestyle. And the only way to find people who are authentically looking for a similar arrangement to theirs is using a site specific to short-term connections.
Many of these are subscription-only, with a membership fee attached for premium services. These can be a minimal amount or as much as hundreds of dollars, depending on the website. While short-term dating won’t be the best option for everyone, it’s becoming a more popular choice for many, with these apps seeing plenty of traffic. Read some lessons site members learned when casually dating. Some pros and cons for the option include:
PRO: No Schedule To Keep
Generally, there’s a requirement to spend a certain amount of time together in a given week in a committed relationship. If that doesn’t happen, it can lead to arguments and pressure, with the couple ultimately going nowhere in the union since each partner is not feeling fulfilled.
Especially for a busy professional attempting to build a career, it’s challenging to keep up with the time and effort that a serious commitment requires.
By joining into an informal agreement, everything is mutually understood. No one expects there to be a lasting partnership. There’s no set schedule to have nights out, and guidelines get set up from the beginning to how the arrangement will work, with complete transparency.
CON: Inadvertently Developing Feelings
While everyone can seem to be on the same page, in the beginning, it’s essential to establish clear rules, goals, and boundaries between those engaging in the hookup.
Casual dating that goes on for a little longer than you anticipate or a “friends with benefits” situation that might only happen occasionally but has some longevity can result in someone developing feelings, whether for the person initiating the dating or the partner. You might not intend that, but it can happen.
If the two of you were very clear on terms initially and how you saw the outcome from the encounter, it should be relatively easy to work through without anyone getting hurt.
But if there was no clear plan regarding what either of you hoped to accomplish, it could become similar to a committed situation. Once expectations begin to seep into the mix, emotional damage is likely for the partner who has developed the attachment.
That’s why it’s essential when joining a site meant for hookups or casual encounters to make sure those you meet are genuinely there for the same things. In some cases, people looking for something more serious have the misperception to start casually and change potential mates into their way of thinking.
As bluntly as you need to make your intentions explicitly clear, designate guidelines, set boundaries, and determine the result you see for the encounter, all upfront, in the open, transparent. In that way, there can be no misinterpretation from anyone with whom you get involved. It’s better to be bold in the beginning than to have to break a heart later.
PRO: Always Have A Date
Sometimes it’s tough to get a date for an event or occasion, with a friend or acquaintance, without that person presuming the evening has more significant implications than merely a fun night out.
Fortunately, when you make friendships of like-minded people on the hookup apps, you can develop an address book of people with whom you can date periodically and who might be available for specific moments like these. It’s just a matter of giving each other enough notice when you want to spend time together and then making a plan. In this arena, respect with casual dating should always be a priority.
A benefit when you attend a function with a laid-back demeanor is you can go and genuinely enjoy a good time with no feelings of pressure. Unfortunately, when attending with a committed partner, especially with work activities, tension is inevitable. Both people are usually on guard and paying close attention to what the other one is up to.
There’s usually a fear of making your partner jealous over a co-worker or the other person becoming frustrated because you might have spent too much time talking business with an argument tending to erupt by the end of the evening. With a hookup, there are no expectations; just a night out, good food, meeting people and enjoying a lovely time. Then everyone goes home.
Final Thought
Having a one-night-stand or participating in a “friends with benefits” type of arrangement isn’t something everyone has the emotional strength to handle. After some time in the friend situation, one or the other will generally develop feelings. That’s the human in everyone, regardless of the rules and boundaries and guidelines you generate initially.
The ideal way to ensure it doesn’t happen is to find the best site and screen people to find those sharing a similar mindset as yours. If someone is a professional dynamo concerned with building a career, they likely aren’t interested in a long-term, committed relationship. Check for career goals or perhaps someone who has already done the married thing and doesn’t want any kind of commitment moving forward.
Whoever works out to be a perfect choice, be bold in your approach upfront and clear that it won’t change. Give the individual the opportunity to walk away if they disagree with the arrangement, and make sure to listen to their boundaries and guidelines in case you’re not on board. It might seem a bit cold to make many stipulations before hooking up, but it’s vital if you don’t want to have heartache later.
